it’s Thursday evening, 6:43pm, and I’m exhausted. this morning i taught 4 gymnastics classes. i love my job as a gymnastics coach, but some days it’s very draining to be in charge of children I see once a week. If I can be completely honest, this is the best job I’ve ever had. Not only because I have a passion for gymnastics but this job fits me in what I need for a job. I have social anxiety. Every other job I’ve had has made my mental heath worse than it already was. Working in the retail business means being face to face with customers who are complete strangers. Talking with a stranger makes me feel small and self conscious about what I’m saying. Am I saying the right the right or wrong thing. did I accidentally tell a white lie. How do I get out of this conversation. How much eye contact is too much eye contact and where do I look when i I’m not making eye contact. What are my hands even doing. All of this crosses my mind when interacting with a stranger. Social anxiety is a bixch.
I didn’t mean for this post to become a venting mess but here I am. I complain about my life but I actually don’t have it that bad. I still live with my parents who feed me and love me. I have a few close friends that I would never trade for in a heartbeat. Even though my job is part-time (and I mean very part-time) I love it so much and it brings me joy and happiness. I value my morals and what I believe in. Even though I might be different, i am me and nobody else can be.
awkwardkoalasoul 